The Invention Of The Sky, Second Half of Part Four, The Invention of Everything, An Eyewitness Account

I dunno. If I did, Id be in tech.

Heat.

Oh, right. We dont want the team to be cold, at least, not all the time.

No way. Theyd be miserable.

And we dont want that.

So we need light and heat.

How do we manage that?

Were thinking of overheads.

Overhead lighting?

Yeah. Also, heating.

All that, hanging up there? I dont know. This sky is starting to sound kind of busy to me.

Thats because youre not seeing it the way we are.

Go on.

Helen has a fantastic idea for her atomic brainstorm.

What?

Instead of just planets, we create these other agglomerations that produce heat and light.

One for heat, another for light?

No, no. The way we envision it, one does the work of two.

Great, if you can pull it off."

"But how? Just with Helens Hs.

That's the plan.

I say, go for it.

Will do.

How long do you think these agglomerations can do both things?

The way were thinking, for plenty long enough.

How so?

Helen, who, as you know, is a very outdoorsy type, who just loves to go fly fishing.

"I dont understand what that has to do with the longevity of heat and light."

One day when she was on the stream she had this idea that she calls fishin.

'Fishin?

Yeah. Its a process that makes heat and light with Hs for an incredibly long time.

Im fine on the process. But the name? Way too confusing.

Why?

Because fishin is done down in the water, and this happens up in the sky.

I pointed that out to her. But you know Helen. When she gets an idea, shes really hard to dissuade.

May I suggest a compromise?

Always.

Give her the sound she wants, but spell it differently.

Do you think shell go for that?

Give it a shot.

OK. Ill let you know.

I think weve gotten a little ahead of ourselves with all this discussion of heat and light. Lets get back to the sky. Anything we havent covered?

There is an important detail. It has to move around.

Why?

So it can take the water from one place and drop it on another place.

Makes sense. But how can the sky carry it around? I dont see something that light having arms, legs, and buckets, do you?

No way.

And it cant swim around with it, can it?

No.

Then how do you expect it to lug the water around?

What do walking and swimming have in common?

Go on.

Its all about the pressure principle. You press your foot down and the ground pushes you forward. You push the water to the side, and the water pushes you ahead. Action, reaction.

I dont understand how that applies to the sky?

Simple. Were going to make it so theres pressure up there that will fluctuate from one place to the next.

And?

It gets high in one place, and low in another place. So what happens? One kind of pressure is always pushing out or sucking in the other kind of pressure.

Hmm, what do you call such movement?

Were adapting the concept of winding up and winding down.

So you get?

Were just going with the first syllable.

Wind?

Right. But to avoid confusion with winding, we thought wed say it differently.

How?

Oh, the change is as light as the invention itself. We just moved in a short i for the long one and came up with wind.

Wind, as in the wind flows, sort of like how we decided water flows?

Almost. We thought wed give it its own word for movement, but we didn't want to go too far afield, so we went for a handy rhyme.

What?

Blows.

The wind blows?

Right.

And the water flows. I like that.

Sounds good."

"Thanks. Of course, sometimes the sky can pretty much just sit there. Picture this: movement and stability, perfectly joined?

I can see that.

I have a concern.

Go ahead.

"Light as it is, the sky is enormous. So it cant move too fast. Or it might blow all the land and water away.

We figure that most of the time it will blow gently.

Good.

But what about at other times?

Remember our variety principle and that you cant appreciate one thing without the other. Gentle wind, hard wind. But dont worry. We set limits.

Like what?

It wont blow all the land or water away at once. That we know for sure. But were still calibrating.

OK. Work on it. Anymore additions to the sky?

I know its moving. But I still don't see how its going to carry the water around? Its light, waters heavy. Frankly, I find the whole issue troubling.

We considered that apparent contradiction, but we quickly realized its not really a contradiction. All we had to do is make sure the sky has the right luggage.

This I cant wait to hear. Tell me about the luggage in the sky.

Remember I said we plan to make the rain out of itty-bitty pieces of H2O, so it can uperate. Sorry, I keep forgetting, evaporate.

Yeah?

We figure once they're up there the itty-bitty pieces can get together and make their own luggage.

Neato! How?

We went back to agglomeration.

Youre finding that concept very useful?

Yes, we are. You have a problem with that?

No, just pointing it out.

Trust me, we need all the workable principles we can get. Now, to return to the rain. The itty-bitty particles will agglomerate into luggage were calling clouds.

Clouds?

Its just our word for mounds in the sky.

Fine. So the itty-bitty water particles agglomerate, like dust, excuse me, atoms and molecules, agglomerate into what we call land? Only now theyre clouds.

Kind of, but, unlike land, the agglomeration proceeds in a much more diaphanous way."

"'Di-' what?"

"Lighter to you. So the clouds can still stay up there.

And move from place to place?

Right. Only when they agglomerate a certain amount of water, they let go and down it comes.

Neat. But not too much at once.

Well, no guarantees there. Remember our variety principle.

Just set some limits, OK? I dont want to see the whole thing were making get washed away.

Were in the same boat.

Good.

Esthetically speaking, got a color for clouds?

We think white when theyre light; then, as they get more H2O in them, since theyre heavier, theyll look darker.

Seems right. So when theyre darker, the creatures will be able to expect rain?

Frequently.

Why isnt anything with you ever just one thing or the other?

What? You want simplicity, too? Lets just get the universe right, OK?

Hes right. Anyway we can manage the task. Please, continue.

At other times, the dark clouds could just go somewhere else before they dump.

Excellent. Got a background color for all this cloud activity?

Not yet. It has to wait until we invent the lights.

Why?

Theyre kind of tied together.

In what way?

Oh, with what gets through and what doesnt.

I think were getting into tomorrows meeting.

Lets just stay with the sky a moment longer. Anything else to it?

Lots.

Like?

Well, for one, Nancy has a real contribution.

What, N? Im not sure about this practice of letting the people in tech name their inventions after themselves.

Why? We find it to be a great morale builder. And, given the amount of OT were putting in, we sure can use it.

Im in complete agreement. What to talk anymore about the N?"

Maybe at a later time. Before we call it a wrap, I do want to mention that we have an alternate name for the sky.

What?

Sometimes we call it the atmosphere.

Why that?

Well, the at part kind of stands for the atoms we put into it, and the sphere stands for how it kind of wraps around the land and water.

Could get a little cumbersome.

We thought about that. So for short we also decided to call it air. It comes from fair.

Fair? Why that?

When the sky is calm and clear, we decided to call that condition fair weather.

Oh, I see. Fair, air?

Right. We wanted to go witha name that accents the positive.

Excellent! I think that about does it. Were into detail work thats better off left to you people in the lab.

I couldnt agree more.

So next on the agenda, we need some bright thinking about heat and light. Good work and everybody have a nice evening.

So now we had the sky pretty much under control. I could see it now, sort of like beautiful wrapping paper for a planet. But bringing heat and light together into one thing. That really gave me something to exercise my noggin about.

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "good, genuine laughs" and "great humor and ebullience."Picking A Wedding Date
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